Now into stuff I didn't do in my notebook this week. I shouldn't neglect you guys (as I have) so I decided to go ahead and do responses next. Sorry again guys.
Angela's Freewrite, Week 9:
First off, I like the colors you're working with in this piece. These colors alone reflect a mood you're trying to portray--very stoic but also natural. I like the several ways you portray white--plain, pearled, egg-shelled. A nice variety which I assume is what you're going for.
I would say that "Enveloped perspective" is a little too multisyllabic to open with. Though I like the word "enveloped". Consider using it as a verb and instead of stating perspective, how can you illustrate the "you" in this case--which I assume to be the reader-- and his (her in my case) perspective. Convince me, as a reader, that this is the perspective I have. For that, I need detail.
Position of power is somewhat cliched. I like that you describe that position using the clothing though, that is refreshing. Perhaps go in deeper into how the clothes represent the job and the position of power might be assumed. Did
I mention I like the words "thick brained" here? And whoopie-cushioned.
Overall, consider reigning in words with more than two syllables. And manipulate line breaks.
There's a inconsistent variety in the measure of lines here that disturbs the meter. Also consider playing up on the nostalgia you included at the end. I want to know more about these circles.
Overall, good job, and I hope this helps.
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