Junkyard Quote 3 and 4, Week 4

--What is the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don't know and I don't care.

--"You're wearing a lovely shade of whore today."

Classmate Response 2, Week 4

In Response to David's Freewrite, Week 4:


First off, I like the subject matter and I like the distant tone you applied to the subject matter. Reminiscent of how Meitner handled Sex Ed in my opinion. I like the contrast of the note card questions and answers (in italics) versus the setting. And while I'm on "likes" I like your lists. "sex, sexuality, and condoms." "gay marriage, homoerotic tendencies, rape." There's got to be a better way to say "homoerotic tendencies" though. It's a mouth-full and feels too Latin for that place in this piece. I do like, however, how the lists end with something so solid, one-syllable, and concrete. You can't necessarily touch rape but it sure is a lot more visual than "gay marriage" in my opinion. It also opens up another tone for the rest of the piece. 

Some of the lines could use some tightening. They tend to be somewhat wordy. You have great knack for detail but I think that what you should focus on is if the details you're providing create redundancy in the piece. For instance, and this is a personal preference, but most note cards aren't huge so to say they are little seems unnecessary. Also, would removing that word ruin or help your meter? 

I feel that "offensive and controversial material" paired with gay marriage works almost as a cliche. It goes without saying that gay marriage is controversial and I wonder if there might not be a better way to phrase that. 

I also feel you have the potential to play with some really great verbs here. For example, instead of "delivered" in the last stanza, does anything change if the answers skip straight to being born? I feel like in terms of language, born answers are surprising refreshing, especially when they're born like raindrops. 

Does the last line serve a purpose so significant that the piece can't stand without it? 

Anyway, hope you feel completely whole again soon. As always, hope this helps.

Sign-Inventory, Week 4

David Bottoms

Shooting Rats at the Bibb County Dump

Loaded on beer and whiskey, we ride

to the dump in carloads

to turn our headlights across the wasted field,

freeze the startled eyes of rats against mounds of rubbish.

Shot in the head, they jump only once, lie still

like dead beer cans.

Shot in the gut or rump, they writhe and try to burrow

into garbage, hide in old truck tires,

rusty oil drums, cardboard boxes scattered across the mounds,

or else drag themselves on forelegs across our beams of light

toward the darkness at the edge of the dump.

It’s the light they believe kills.

We drink and load again, let them crawl

for all they’re worth into the darkness we’re headed for.

--The poem is five sentences long.

--The speaker uses a repetition of beer throughout the work--beer, wasted, beer cans, and drink.

--In the last two stanza the speaker plays on the image of light and dark, though the first stanza does mention headlights.

--The speaker implies a relation to the rats with the last line, implying that both the rats and the people are creeping towards darkness. 

--The poem begins and ends with the subject as "We".