Classmate Response 1, Week 11

Dawn's Calisthenic 11, Week 11:


Honestly, what you have here isn't that bad! If you take some of it as junkyard quotes, and remove it from the mad lib format, you have some interesting movements and ideas. Perhaps the hardest thing to do here was to follow one train of thought while at the same time trying to come up with nouns and adjectives that were not cliche and repetitive. I tend to think that majority of the time, our first thoughts end up being those cliches we're fed all the time. So after coming up with one word, I often abandon the original for another that comes after. Do cliches still happen for me? Yes. I'm lazy. But it certainly helps cut down. And I think what helps coherence in a mad lib is when you come up with one word, say--blue (deal with what follows, I know it's crap) try to use those different words over and over in different places, in different ways (sky, water, armor, pills). 

You definitely tried to maintain coherence in the beginning. I loved the crayons. I think the madlib format inhibited the potential those crayons had, for instance, "crayons papered across lines." was a really odd idea and I liked it. I also felt like crayons opens a whole possibility of color and I think I'm a color oriented person. That's why "dark red" in the sixth line disappointed me. There is such an odd variety of colors and their odd names that I would have like to have seen played up more. Dark red just came off flat. Why not "salmon" or something (which I guess is also a little overdone, but still)?

By about the 6-8th line I feel like the crayons and colors are abandoned. If you were like me, about part way through this, you were so frustrated with the madlib that it was difficult to keep the ultimate goal--the piece--in mind, but instead, focused on just making it to the ending. Make it end! This madlib assignment was incredibly difficult, with so many possibilities and nothing to lead you in the right direction, did my words make sense? It was almost like working from scratch but being forced to follow a very strict format. Still though, work done right? And it gave you some interesting things like:

He was a fierce dust
command after summer
harm a quilt
kiss his pear

Odd, abstract images that beg for detail. I say go through this piece, take movements that you like, and expand and make sense of it in another freewrite sometime. Hope this helps! And thanks for helping me workshop so many of my pieces!

Calisthenics 1, Week 11

Fucking hardest mad lib I've ever done. I also want you all to know, the MAJOR coincidence with Lux's piece was ENTIRELY by accident. I did not want the influence so I read the piece AFTER I wrote it. Freaked me out, really.

Mad Lib Skeleton:

[Adjective] [Noun]

At the [noun], I was about [inf. verb] him [adverb] when,
at [adj.] [noun], [noun] [adverb]
and [adverb] from me, he [verb] first
to his [adj.] [noun]
and then the [adj.], and he was [adv.],
[adv.] before he [verb] the...
My [noun] [verb] him [verb], too,
and a [noun], who [verb] over.
He was a [adj.] [noun], [adj.],
[adj.], [verb] [noun] during the day
and his [noun] and [noun]
at night. He didn't [verb]
or try [inf. verb] the [noun]
with which he [verb] these [noun].
My [verb] said: "Happens." Our [noun]
[verb] [adv.] to his [noun]
and was soon [verb] towards us
with his [adj.] [noun],
of which he was [adv.]
but so far only used [inf. verb] two [adj.] [noun].
It was the [noun]
we'd usually call [inf. verb] [adv.] a [noun].
A [noun], a [adj.] [noun], you [verb]
where he, or she, [verb]. Our [noun]
[verb] a [noun]
beside the [noun]
and we [verb] him [adv].
I'd already [verb] [noun]
before I [verb] his [noun].
Our [noun] returned the [noun].
In it, there were [noun],
[noun] never, never [verb] before
by a [noun, possessive],
nor even a [noun, possessive], eye.
[proper noun], our [noun, possessive] name,
returned the [noun] from where it came
and, with the [noun] of a [noun],
we [verb] it [adv.]
as best we could. One [adj.] [noun]
[verb] [adv.].
It was a Friday,
I remember, for [noun] we [noun] [noun], with [noun]
on [adj.] [adj.] [noun], every Friday,
[noun] and [noun].

Changed Focus

At the start, I was about to redefine him entirely when,

at last call, echoes swift

and distant from me, he fell first

to his graceless misconceptions.

and then the whole, and he was gone,

empty before he kicked the...

My arms let him drop, too,

and a silence, who drapes over.

He was a misguided man, feared,

alive, burying chemicals during the day

and his name and dignity

at night. He didn't fight

or try to reconfigure the notions

with which he circumstanced these titles.

My drive said: "Happens." Our possibilities 

tended gingerly to his failings

and was soon bent towards us

with his crooked smile,

of which he was proud

but so far only used to convince two lost kids.

It was the grin 

we'd usually call to bring down a chance.

A gamble, a reckless dice, you throw

where he, or she, waits. Our reality

risks a lie

beside the aces

and we find him again.

I'd already searched time

before I released his attempts.

Our compromise returned the child.

In it, there were contractions,

obligations never, never claused before

by a human's,

nor even a God's, eye.

Chester, our father's name,

returned the toil from where it came

and, with the will of servant,

we wrapped it up

as best we could. One last breath

pacing ahead.

It was a Friday, 

I remember, for fun we thought trench , with hoes

on warm red clay, every Friday,

ditches and holes.

Junkyard Quote 1, Week 11

"I imagine rape is done in the customer service position." Me, remarking on how I hate my job sometimes.