In response to Dawn's 3rd week freewrite:
I really enjoyed this. Each line was something interesting and worth deciphering. Like the first line, "birth a child." It sounds so obligatory. Like you have to have a kid if you get married. And the tone sounds like its a necessity so I think that phrasing really ties in. In fact, I'd like for this tone to exist throughout the rest of the piece. It sounds like the speaker is obligating a need to change, but a change she (I'm going to assume its a she because she's wanting to give birth and guys can't quite do that yet) does not want to make.
I like the specifics you have here. "factory on myrtle street" and "1,000 Egyptian threads". I feel there is a suggestion of some sexual discomfort in this piece. Secrets between sheets, a need to clean in Twilight Woods, and once again--- birthing babies.
I do not believe "they exist at bed, bath, and beyond" does anything for you here and that the line would be stronger without it. It confused me at first.
I like the "truly, deeply, do believe." It makes it seem so obvious there is no truth or commitment in those words. I really adore this tone here, Dawn.
This also has nothing to do with this poem, but my dog is part Shar Pei, part Beagle. Hah. Really did enjoy this. Please work on this some more, I'd like to see more of this one.
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