To Spencer's Freewrite:
I like how much you play with alliteration. I'm pretty sure I'm an alliteration junkie so when you play up on those elements I'm always sure to enjoy myself. However, I feel like there could be an overkill in some lines? "dynamite the doctors call a disorder". Initially it seems like a nice line but for the mood I think you're trying to achieve here it seems a little heavy-handed. I could understand why you would want to include the idea of the disorder but honestly, I think the line is just as strong without it. I find the two lines following this really wordy as well.
I love the tick-tock of the playground swing. I can sort of see it and I think sandy shoes and ticking swings really work for you here. I like the images you provide. Also, I'm a set of three's girl and this is mostly personal preference so you can ignore this entirely if you like. But, you only have two images here. The speaker as a child on the playground. The speaker in college. I feel like I need another image. I'm not sure where the dead mother (God, that sounds horrible) fits on the timeline but perhaps...?
I feel like a line break could make that "smack" more powerful somehow. And I love the "unrecognizable fuzz". That just feels right. Way to work out that repetition. Hope this helps, can't think of anything else at the moment.
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