I'd like to morph into a French girl.
French women release 20 percent
of their income, like ravens, on lingerie.
Their sums spin silver into lacy straps,
to silken camisoles shaded with seduction.
For French women, flirting is oral
prostitution, the good kind. It is the finest art,
and great work requires investments. They sell
the playful conversations that men want
with the shaping figurines that women need.
French women are the country's Degas,
the continental Ghiberti's, the world's
Wordsworth--they know movement
in flecked hips, they know the shape
and outline of the romances they execute.
If I was a golden French woman, my lips
would be fleshy raspberries, swollen, leaking
the musky fragrance of my fantasies,
whispering destined jargon deciphered only
through touch--like brail, I'd teach you how
to see through my Chanel skirts, right up
until you see my zebra-print V-kini, my
bubblegum boylegs, my forbidden granny
panties, and as you yank them with the enamel
of your teeth I'd whisper French words,
whisper les femme françaises, until the mysteries
of our simmering desire can transform,
until the sweetness of our French kisses list
until the sweetness of our French kisses list
and become another obligation, another job,
another long and teasing chore.
I think "vive" would be more appropriate.
ReplyDeleteLol you do have an obsession with sexual content and colors. Perhaps you should consider hanging out with Trista? I think that was her name because she definitely has a grasp of the sexual language, her poems were awesome.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I really like this draft and the transitions especially in the first stanza. Lines 3-5 I just love the play of words.
I don't know if I like the ending of this piece because to me its just another explanation of the desensitized prostitute. I think it would be interesting if you made the character in this piece excited for this job. I mean she kind of seemed excited for the idea in the beginning of the piece and then by the end its like... actually this job would suck. I don't know if you've ever been to a strip club but the women there may physically be there but when you watch their face.... they are mentally checked out. I think it would be more of a challenge to convince a reader that being a prostitute is an appealing/exciting job.
Anyway I thought that would be an interesting/different and challenging perspective.
Overall thought I had fun reading this piece.. I really like "whispering destined jargon deciphered only through touch--like brail"
Thanks you two, especially all the suggestions, Dawn. And title switched, Tim.
ReplyDelete