To Samaria's freewrite, week 7:
I love those "s" sounds you're manipulating in this piece. Though the meaning of certain lines get muddled, the "s" sound moves this piece along without there even having to be a reason. The repetition of "yes" really bogs that word down, much like the speaker is bogged down by his/her usage of the word "yes."
I like the use of outlandish questions. Can I eat your favorite tee-shirt, of course, being my personal favorite.
I wish you would continue the "no's like boomerangs" image. And I'm unfamiliar with D-Rose, but that doesn't mean you should change that part unless that is something that might not be widely known?
By the time the piece hits, "How else can I understand..." I as the reader begin to become confused with what is being communicated. I can no longer see images or understand conversation and I'm wondering if there was an attempt to mix words around in this section that there was with the krispy kreme donut and the shirt. It's hard to because as a reader I am not tapped into the speaker's train of thought.
I feel like there could be more to the piece. Perhaps some scene to illustrate the yes/no issue. Maybe even some type of conflict--though nothing dramatic of course.
I'm tossing between the last line. I love the completion the last "s" in chest gives, but I feel there was a jump to getting to that line that the piece was not ready for, otherwise it seems heavy and unattached. How can we manage that leap from dreams to what I'm assuming, is the inconvenience of the heart? Hope this helps.
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