In response to Dawn's Calisthenic, Week 7:
You're right, it is pretty interesting to see just how different a take we took on this assignment, as well as to see the steps we took to get there. What I also find intriguing are the lines both you and I chose to keep, like: even a fool like me can see your broken beauty. That probably speaks most significantly about the strength of these particular lines and images, as well as for its versatility.
Before I move onto the things with substance, in your second line you put "you're." I think you meant "your." Now moving along.
I love the fifth line and the repetition of that great "p" sounds. Some of the lines play more as imagery than actual logic and creates some weird phrases, like "You fake Egyptians" I have a slight issue with the cohesiveness of the 6th and 7th line. To say "you" liquefy men and then to describe him as cake--which is not very liquid is difficult to understand and liquid is a little redundant, but I like the idea of having a list there.
I like the phrase "sexing ash and nylon."
The first line of the last stanza is a little syllabic.
You have some really alluring images here and I love the intenseness of some of these images, paralleled with the intenseness of the ending. You're right though, it's so cool to see what can happen from this calisthenic.
No comments:
Post a Comment