In response to one of Queenie's many Freewrites for Week 8, Interrupted:
I love how you play up sounds in this piece, repeat consonants like in "motor mounting" and "snap sizzle." These sounds bounce the speaker's words when coupled with the double syllables of the first line and I automatically slip into a rhythm. I feel like the rhythm changes up a bit, muddled in the second line only to pick back up in the repetition of the third, before it finally dies out around the 5th, 6th line. This rhythm shift is not necessarily a bad thing, I'm just pointing it out.
As a writer, Queenie, you seem to like to play on the juxtaposition of interesting words and the images they create. From my own perception, this work seems to go more for a shocking and refreshing image as opposed to any real meaning before we reach the 12th line, where the focus seems to change. Perhaps consider something concrete for the reader to grasp on to. A mood is created and the images are there, but they become simply lists without something to connect it to. It's hard to understand what the speaker is referring to from what I assume is a drunken night with a man (I assume this is a man of course, what is it called--heteronormative?) who the speaker doesn't want to leave.
"Smell your sweat" though it might not be something typical to say, falls flat and almost expected in contrast to the rest of the images provided here.
I'm also rather curious about these repeated references to motor vehicles? Is the guy a mechanic? I'd like to see this played up more.
"Tiny" and "little" together in the last line slips somewhat into excessive, but I love this ending. Keep up the good work, hope this helps.
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