So I have to provide background because I'm still not sure how sentimental this is? But I got dumped Monday and I wrote this fantastically shitty draft (after a couple days) so I wouldn't feel so horrible anymore. And as I'm pretty sure I heard Tim admit, it sucked. But all things are salvageable...right? Now whether I'll call this salvaged is questionable but I will say it sucks a little less. So thanks Tim. And without further embarrassment:
Imprinting
I lie naked waiting for you to strip
the last of me, when you remember
my hair was never blonde.
And I learn that the imprint
I left denting in your plaid couch
has been remodeled recently.
There's no me left in you.
There is no lingering of the hot, hot
trail I left dripping in your right ear,
learned it in my left ear,
that while I'll be wretching
when the sun goes down
you'll be eyeing her down.
Tell me, if God speaks to you
what does He say about stealing
stupid hearts, you Aztec.
Pick up your stuff, leave me
naked so that I can wear bits of you
like drapery that bunches
at the waist, at the crotch, at the ankles
because I can't move without tripping on you.
I was your precious Bosheth, your golden Baal
but you've built things right recently
so you can wander less idlely.
Well, melt me down
so I might pave a golden path
so you can better trample me
and you can take me straight
to your plaid cloth couch.
That couch
with the flat pillows we squished each other's smiles with
That couch
we scooted on concrete slabs to roll on floors
That too small couch
I pretended to sleep in despite the neck pain
That couch
that stole every chapstick
every hair bow, every trace
of me between its cushions,
tied up in its blue-green stripes.
That plaid cloth couch.
Its cushions sagged under the weight
of movies watched and nighttimes cuddled
but now there's someone else--
there's someone blonde inside my seat.
First of all, do your best to forgo the preface--it's a natural enough desire, all you guys do it, but you're coloring the work unnecessarily with your own bias. Let the draft do the talking. Also, I'm fairly positive I never said that the draft you handed me "sucked," though you are right to worry over sentimentality when delving into this sort of thing. The best advice I know to offer with pieces like this is: 1) Give it some distance. This is most easily accomplished through time. You want to allow yourself some semblance of objectivity during the construction process, and 2) Consider shelving the draft indefinitely, inasmuch as you're willing to let the work sit until the proper framing device comes along. In other words, something this close to the author will always be problematic; therefore, allowing the work you've done to bounce around in your head for awhile will give you the chance for objectivity, as well as open the door for a proper--i.e. less expected/more interesting--lens through which to view it. Stress less and don't excuse.
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